It was Tuesday night after work in Midrand, a northern
suburb in Johannesburg, South Aftrica. I was driving to my regular Blade Fighting
Class approximately 15 mins away. I stopped at a 4-way stop street and waited
for my turn to turn into the right lane. When it was my turn, I pulled off, but
luckily noticed a white BMW that just jumped the stop street, swerved far
right, allowing him to narrowly miss me! We eventually both ended up at a red
traffic light (or more commonly known as a “robot” in South Africa”). I rolled
my window down and signalled to him to do the same. When he did, I politely
told him that he had just jumped a stop street and he should be more careful in
future. He looked at me with a
disinterested look, looked forward again and rolled his window back up. I again
gestured him to open his window, and with a sterner tone of voice, said, “Did
you notice the stop sign? It’s that big red sign that has the word “STOP” on it?
It’s a few meters up the road that you just jumped and nearly hit me!” Again he looked at me, but this time, said a
very audible, “F*** you!” and drove off, jumping now the red traffic light! WTF!?
Ok, so in my younger, hot-headed days, I would have perhaps given chase, get
him to stop his car, and proceed to verbally evoke my version of an exorcism on
him, filled with many Latin-sounding verbs and elaborate finger and hand gestures. But times have changed. Besides getting older
and (hopefully) wiser, I’ve realised there are more reckless drivers out there
on the road. They seem to be fuelled by frustration, anger or just plain
stupidity. There has been an increasing number of cases of reckless driving
incidents that have resulted in deaths and injuries for not only the parties
concerned, but also for any unfortunate pass-byers that may have gotten caught
in these moments of recklessness.
In my Self Defence classes, I stress the importance of knowing
what it is that you are willing to fight, die and kill for, and why (refer to
the blog post, http://defence-unlimited.blogspot.com/2014/06/in-self-defence-only-question-you.html).
In the case of Mr White Beemer, I had the very human reaction of feeling extremely
angry when he initially jumped the stop sign, and I wanted justice to be done.
Being a BMW driver (a relatively expensive car in South Africa and around the
world), I assumed he was a reasonably sophisticated person who would listen to some
polite reasoning – perhaps he genuinely did not see that stop street. However,
the subsequent verbal faeces that came from his mouth and the jumping of the
red traffic light convinced me otherwise. At that very moment, the emotions of anger
and rage flooded my body! My body
responded by getting into a flight of fight situation – the adrenaline kicked
in, my vision narrowed, my body gave a sudden flash of heat, and my palms went sweaty.
I am human after all, and if I feel offended, these are very real and natural
emotions and bodily reactions! However, thank goodness my training kicked in,
and that question I kept drilling into my students popped into my head, “is
this something I am willing to fight, die and kill for”? Thankfully, the answer
was no, and I turned in the opposite direction and continued on my journey. Don’t get me wrong, I was still very much pissed
off, and I kept running different scenarios in my head – What if I just flashed
him with my 200-lumen bright tactical flashlight? What if I had my pepper spray
with me? What if I just followed him and
scared him off a bit? What if...What if...What if…?? Eventually, at training and after a few
sparring rounds, I was able to rid myself of these self-defeating questions and
pent up frustrations and rage. I was
then able to return home in a calm and serene state, with the evening’s earlier
event reduced to nothing more than a distant memory.
The point I am making is, it
is easy to say, “Just forget it! He is not worth it”, but this is extremely
hard to put it into practise. We are all, after all, just like any other animal
in the wild that that uses its emotional responses to navigate around their environment.
However, the one thing that sets us humans apart from all the other species is
our unique ability to rationalise and make logical choices. I am glad in this instance I let my rational
side dominate. I can only hope is that my words got into Mr White Beemer driver’s
head somewhere that elicited his verbal-barf. Barfs I can handle. Road-kill I cannot.
To conclude, the lessons I learnt from this experience are
as follows:
- Remember always what it is that I am willing to fight, die and kill for, and why.
- I can try and change the world, but don’t expect the world to respond favourably to me.
- My emotions are real and natural, but use my rational and logical mind to make the choice that will keep me safe.
- Use my various outlets (e.g. physical training and sparring) to release my rage and frustrations effectively and healthily.
- There are reckless drivers out there, so I have to be vigilant at all times. This is part of my self-defence!
- Don’t be a reckless driver myself!
If you want some further convincing for point 6, take a look
at this video link below – It will make you think twice about driving recklessly. It certainly did for me: http://youtu.be/a8QxZJZfU5Q.
Till next time, get educated, feel empowered, and
ultimately, live a positive and engaged life!
Warren Ho
Founder of Defence Unlimited
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